Battle

I was living in Hawaii. While getting my emissions inspection I was bullshitting with the inspector guy. Behind him in the ocean two walrus swam by that looked like one was eating the other's ass but turned out one was swimming backward and they were kissing.

Then we saw the flipper of a whale. It swam right up to shore "what the hell kind of whale is that??" I said. Then we all realized it wasn't a whale. It was an alien wearing some kind of flipper suit.

It looked like it was having trouble. Like it had been swimming forever and was tired. One guy went up to try and help it out of the suit. As soon as it got out, it backhanded the dude and sent him flying. Everyone screamed and ran away. Except me.

Somehow I knew ivory was its weakness. With me I had a ornamental ivory dagger and a ivory back-scratcher in the shape of a six-fingered claw. No idea why. I grabbed em and the fight was on. I was untouched. Slashing it with the claw and cutting with the dagger. It pulled out a trident weapon but I knew what to do. When it would swing for me, I'd swing the claw with my left and put it between the trident tines. I'd twist the claw to wedge and I'd and full control of where the trident could go. Then I'd swing or stab at the alien with my dagger in right hand.

The alien said "You can't kill me!" I said "I killed your female alien! I stabber her in the lungs and she suffocated!" It responded "She was weak. She had.." I can't remember what it said she had. Some kind of problem like asthma or emphazema (sp?) Or lung cancer.

I fought it for a long time. I was untouched and its whole body was covered in cuts. I thought "I gotta cut its dick off! That's its weakness! Wait.. no that's that movie The Watch. I don't know this guys weakness."

Then I woke up.